When push comes to shove

lafleet45 @ 2009-08-01T13:10:00

2009-08-01T20:14:47Z

europe was sooooo fun and im bummed its over. i actually had way more fun in poland than i anticipated. ill write all about it someday but for now its a mouthful. im back in sd now and its been so nice....the homies picked me up from the airport, brought me a sack, took me grocery shopping and stayed up with me till the wee hours of the morning. then the next day b calls me and wants to go surfin early in the morning...so we went and it was soooooo chill. i gota try harder at this shit. just the sight of the ocean made chills come ova me. we got burritos cause i was missin um and smoked bowls and hada corona on the beach all sandy in our wetsuits. legit and sad though i was about leaving, this whole california livin aint so bad eitha...

lafleet45 @ 2009-07-11T22:21:00

2009-07-11T20:22:09Z

damn aint life crazy

lafleet45 @ 2009-05-29T16:57:00

2009-05-30T00:19:17Z

Fuuuuuck dude I'm goin wear so thin I'll tear a damn hole in me! Ive been doin sooooo much and just ROCKIN
i never thought id say this but im startin to love LA. that city is so fucking nutty, its got everything i could ever imagine and then some! everytime i go there im shocked, moved, amamored and disgusted all in one day and i like how it makes me think. Ive gone there the passed 4 weekend to party so i cant hate cause the parties are soooooo bitchin!!!! always something shocking and unexpected, crazy and original. so much cultraul depth that needs to be swimmed in. Last week we went to this party in malibu on this private property that was so PHAT. they set up a hella sick stage and decorated hella trippy, felt like i was in some fairy tail land and there were hella chill people from all over. everyone camped and thenafter we went to koreatown to meet up with a homie. then we cruised to venice and chilled there allllll day. there were HELLA chill people there, i actually kinda wanna move there for at least a while. then my week at school was heckic and productive, and this week was good for meeting people. I LOVE MY MAJOR!!!! im in my freequency fo sho. tonight me and b are going to a BASSNECTAR show, third one this year BABY. im a freakin bassnectarhead right now, as well as amany other head. ive also been chillin in OB a bunch, where me and kt will prolly live next year and lemme say its SO AWESOME! everyones way chill, everythings pedestrian friendly, and there's this really cool laid back beach vibe. i was chillin at my friends house and literally 10 people came in and out in the time i was there and they were all soooo chill. the houses are hella cute and their all just a couple of block away from the beach. i way fucked up my hair too but oh well itll come back...im loving life but i cant wait for europe. i seriously wanna go EVERYWHERE in the whole damn world. i wanna spend every year of my life in a different place and never stay in one place for too long. i wasent meant to be bogged down in relationships and such, i just wanna live my life like its one big soulful white elephant pardy and the only fufillment i can get is going as far and wide and meet as many people as i can. i wanna spend long nights with new friends every weekend and know people everywhere who will greet me with smiles and hugs. haha. for the conquering agenda tonight: hollywood baby. muah!

lafleet45 @ 2009-05-10T15:06:00

2009-05-10T22:28:16Z

god damn. what a crazy blur ive been livin in lates. the passed few weekends have been straight nuts to say the very least, and i havent gotten a full 7 of sleep hours for WEEKS. but its chill ill sleep when im dead. but its been damn well worth it. a few weeks ago it was midnight and me and like 5 other people were just drinkin when my friend texted me saying there was a forest party an hour away. i didnt thinki anyone would be down cause the homies are lazy stoners but to my suprise they all wanted to go. we went and it turned out to be a big ol festival with 50 djs in bumfuck nowhere. we partied all night and drove back in the morning, i went to work that day a little drunk and haggard as fuck. the next night we went to this kegger where these kids set up this big rail and somehow got real snow (in so cal?) on itand were bustin all these crazy moves. some of the boarders came back to our place for drinkin and hottubbin when we all decided to go for a lil hike in the warren woods. it was pretty sick and we found a gorgous view of San diego and the bay and smoked bowlz there till sunrise. the next day we went to elemental experaicne, an all day concert on the beach. BASSNECTAR stole the show, but matisyahu was fuckin sick and i got aCD from this other band i was way into called pinback. the next day i had to go to work all haggard yet again but somehow ive been doin my job haha. on friday i met all these kids from long beach i duno what it is about that place but some down ass people hail from long beach. just met them to one night and we all bonded all night and were homies before sunrise. the next day they left and me jimmy and the homeboy chris all went up to this organic farm and learned how to plant and harvest sustainably since we geta break ground for UCSD's sustainable farm sometime before the years over. it was really awesome and hard ass work, then we all went into the feilds, picked some fresh fruits and veggies and made dank ass meal out of it. the long beach kids told me about a show in LA...the fuckin GRATEFUL DEAD!!! so me and the homies were just like fuck it, were goin, swooped up our other friend lucas and cruised to LA for a SICK ASS SHOW!!!! never seen so many people with so much good evergy. i was dancin like an idiot fryin ballz and found a hella chill deadhead to dance with. he invited me backstage but i had split with my friends a while ago and i was kinda worried so i hada turn down the opp of a lifetime to go find the homies he was hella chill and hooked me up with a free t shirt tho. i found um a little while later while cruising through the parking lots that everyone was partyin' hard. stopped to have a couple of drinks and smokes with some random fools before findin them. We heard about this after party nearby so we decided to check it out and it was fuckin siiiick!!!! they had rented out he whole top floor of a hotel, with bars and hot tubs and were just goin nuts in there!! there was a good view of LA from the balcony and i met some hella chill dead heads who were keepin it alive. then my friend heard about this other party and since it was about 5am we went to check it out. this other party was hella weird though there was a huge nitrus tank and lots of questionable smells coming from pipes and stuff, DMT and such things so we got all weirded out and bizounced. hauled ass back to san diego in time for me to take a 2 hours snoozer (thank god) and i headed to work.
In school, things have been sooooooooo good. all this time ive been taking really hard math and science classes but no i geta take more classes that i want to. im takin a bunch of literature classes and i really love them. ive started going to poetry slamming and my professor (who is pretty cute by the way) encourages me to go reading my poems there. its really nice because after all that calc and chem there were times where i was feelin like i shouldnt even be in a college cause im just not smart enough but all my writing teachers encourage me very strongly and i do exceptionally well in those classes (and they arent easy classeseither.) im going to start writing for our school newspaper too, largely to support the sustainable food project which ive become a part of.
And all the while ive been working things out to go study abroad!! im most likely headed to lima peru for spring quarter. its going to be fuckin sick!!!! i highly encourage you UC kids to apply for the same prgram and well go venture into south america together!!! you know you want to...ive alresdy tunred in the app, i just gota figure out what the fuck id be doing for housing. but fuck it, small price ta pay.

lafleet45 @ 2009-04-07T11:07:00

2009-04-07T18:34:27Z

shits been so nutty since i got back!!! for starters my classes are awesome, i got a buncha homies in all of them so it makes it enjoyable. and for once my classes ARE enjoyable!!! im taking a poetry class i really like, yoga, belly dancin' calc (which suprisingly im kinda likin these days) a hula hoopin class, a modern literature class, and a sociology class about gangs and violence. theyre actually all pretty intrestin save calc but i been doing it for a minute now that i think my math brain is tuned up and ready to party

plus i think since i enjoy readin and writing so much ill prolly make it my major and maybe double major in enviornmental systems. or minor or somethin'

me n jimmy have become involved with the sustainable food initative on campus. we already have a huge plot of land approved. now were going to be trained to farm organically by going to a local nearby organic farm for a few weekends and get that sucka started. hella chill people involved too, cant wait ta get my hands all diiirty.

me n brooke went to santa barbara for the weekend for this HUGE event called floatopia and it was fucking NUTS!!!! lemme tell ya, SB parties like nothing ive ever seen. there were seriously thousands of people at the beach with floaties hella wasted. the people were hella nice, we got smashed off the hundred shots of doom, went on a trampoline, got on floaties, flew kites, played ball, and partied hella hard into the wee hours of the morning. then i hustled back to SD to get to work which was lame but after i headed to the beach to chill with the homies at a bonfire. there ws poi spinning, drummin, smokin and...

then on tuesday night someone told us of a party and were like wha? on a tuesday? but we were down so we went to peep it out and much to our delightful suprise it was actually pretty crackin and there were hella peeps there. after a few jungle juices and games of pong and fooz ball (is it wrong that i love that game?) i drunkinly biked homie and fell in love with my bike, always getting me from point a to point b, free and healthily.

theres a lot of attractive people in my life right now.

then i got the delightful news that the homies were comin down!!! possibly even this week! im bummed tux and jon aint coming but im stoked to see maym gosia and kaythizzle.

but the biggest thing of all i cant quite say. but it was a humbling experiance. it made me realize that i have grown a great deal since high school. a homie confided something in me that was so crazy, it made me feel really special that they trusted me to know.

oh and i been cookin hella lately!! curries, soups, pasta, stir frys, dankness. all organic and from fresh produce and im hella happier for it!

anyways, thats week one

B think i could win him over with my charm?
T ya won me didnt ya?

haha

lafleet45 @ 2009-03-20T00:25:00

2009-03-20T07:26:01Z

dolla dolla bills ya'll

hey baby, where you been all my life?

lafleet45 @ 2009-03-03T16:59:00

2009-03-04T01:09:43Z

ever since new years i havent even been able to look at guys the same way. i know im overgeneralizing when i say that all guys are the same but as far as the ones im attracted to go, its kinda true. the one guy i was pretty into finally showed intrest in me and im kinda just not down....i think its cause theres this girl

and dude, i love spending time with her. shes so great and funny and considerate, she likes the same kinds of things i do and is down for anything, beach, party, bowl smokin, whatever it is were doin. and she's very beautiful which is hard for me not to notice. weve been hangin out an awful lot lately and my attraction to her is growing. ive gone for girls before and it always ends up the same, im the dude. i handle shit, i court, compliment and do all the dude things. but thats not at all what i want and so the girls ive met have just not been up to par. i dont want to be a stand in for a guy. but she....shes different. she meets me in the middle, were on equal footing. in the traditional sense, sometimes im the girl and shes the guy, and im the guy and shes the girl. its really something special and im happy. i just hope im not reading things wrong, cuz im down to be friends if thats what she wants, but im curious you know? im down either way, but is there any way to find out without risking putting a really awkward strain on the friendship? i feel like the signs are there but right before i try something im filled with self doubt and back down..

lafleet45 @ 2009-02-27T20:07:00

2009-02-28T04:08:58Z

yaaaaaaaaaayyyyy beach. all damn day, err damn day, ya dig?
slip on shome shade, a short skirt and sandles and im out the doh.

lafleet45 @ 2009-01-27T00:32:00

2009-01-27T08:32:49Z

oh hell ya, work it

lafleet45 @ 2008-11-16T19:27:00

2008-11-17T03:34:01Z

sooooooo someone wanna explain to me whyy it is that i can go for months without any attention and be feelin lonely and cuttin down on myself, then one day i meet someone and im all stoked on it, then the very next day ill meet someone else and get confused and allofva sudden im going back and forth unsure of what to do until either i decide that i cant decide or they figure it out? then i start my several months of nothingness again? and so i just go round and round and round in circles never settling, only peddling?
and then i start to think bout what i want and cant even come up with what my motvies are for anything and
wh
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
osh

... nobodys getting what they want.

lafleet45 @ 2008-08-14T10:52:00

2008-08-14T17:57:48Z

ahoy ahoy livejournal. long time no talk.
i just hadda declare somewhere that im so glad gosias back. everythings better. alot of the summer i felt lonely alotta my friends seemed really busy, but now i have someone whose always down to hang out with me and take part in my shinianigins.
and da muddafucka lives wid me too. summer's in high gear, in more ways than one!

lafleet45 @ 2007-04-27T23:12:00

2007-04-28T06:14:47Z

did i really sleep under a bridge last night?
how did i get all these bookmarks with bible versus on them?
where the fuck did i get that fifth of excalibur?

lafleet45 @ 2007-04-11T14:14:00

2007-04-11T21:15:48Z

You like more certainty than you currently have in your life and might find yourself nostalgically craving your lost security. Now, however, subconscious drives are pulling you off the main roads where things seem more magical, even if they seem less certain. Enjoy the current side trip and rest assured that you will return to the well-traveled highways soon enough.

damn this astrology shit's blowin my mind lately. errday i look in the newspaper, just out of curiosity but i get shit thats just dead on.

can-sa nigga.

there's blood on the streets

2007-03-10T18:00:13Z

uh uh uh, selfishness i guess. i cleared out my room, donated more than half my shit to charity. my room looks so empty now, and the breeze coming into through the window seems like it's intensified, but it gives me far more satisfaction than any of the things i ridded of would. i feel resigned, because even though i gave all that shit to charity, movies, cloths, CD's, make up, books i did it for selfish reasons. i did it so that my conscince wouldn't weigh heavy, that i wouldn't have to wake up in total opulence because i don't deserve total opulence. i don't deserve anything, desevring is a bullshit term, as if because you did something right the universe is indebted to you. universe is smarter than that.
and it's bittersweet for me to reflect, because happiness seems so far from me at this point. that's not to say i'm despressed or anything, it's just hard for me to find satisfaction. the school thinks i'm depressed but they are reading me wrong. i'm uncomfortable. uncomfortable that i'm so fortunate while others suffer. should i punish myself? i was way happier the way i was before, i was forced into this mentailty, like some divine reailty slap. should i feel guilty about going to college? should i feel guilty for coming home to a family that loves me unconditionally? should i feel guilty that i have a warm bed with lots of covers and pillows to sleep in? that my fridge is usually stalked, that my water is usually running?
and i can't decide if i'm happier knowing all the shit i do now, or if i was happier just being ignorant like the rest of windsor, but ultimatly i wouldn't take it back. i know these thoughts will eventually settle and i won't always be uncomfrotable, i'm just curious as to how my thoughts will resettle. will i eventually just get over this and carry on with my life or have a really become a new person, a different level thinker?
you may think you can relate, but you really really can't. because you're just like me BEFORE all this happened. i THOUGHT that ultimatly human interaction and friendship and love were all things far beyond any material good. but now i KNOW. and instead of being satisfied, anything that comes my way i'm disgusted with myself...unless i'm, somehow affecting other people positively.
it seems like all that was important to me before just dwindled away, so what now?
i still get a release. music is a gift and when i really start to think bout where he is and what he's doing, i'll turn on some dead prez and feel connected, peaceful.
and don't, DON'T say you know how i feel. because you really, really, really don't.

i'm thinkin' bout snatchin tux n' hoppin on a bus and kickin' it in chico with NIC (<- hannah told me the truth.) just go back with him after he come home next weekend. smoke a bleezie with cody while i'm at it.

lafleet45 @ 2007-03-08T22:48:00

2007-03-09T06:49:35Z

i'ma a talker. i think next week, i'll go sober, and try to just shut up and listen.

lafleet45 @ 2007-03-06T14:39:00

2007-03-06T22:41:26Z

iono why that i told my story
'n iono why people love to talk
'n iono why i used to be like that
'n iono that im forced to do so much shit i dont wanna do
all i know is I ON CUR

I don't care.

have a ball.

lafleet45 @ 2007-03-02T08:54:00

2007-03-02T16:54:57Z

after all that, how can i possibly readjust?

i'm trying to just continue on with life but i feel disgusted with alot of the things here, including myself. a weird feeling lies in my gut. straight meloncholy.

what did i do to deserve all this, and what did they do to not?

lafleet45 @ 2007-02-20T14:06:00

2007-02-20T22:06:13Z

square one.

lafleet45 @ 2007-02-17T10:26:00

2007-02-17T18:33:37Z

damn i was right. telling my parents was a great idea. they're kinda mad, but the kind of pissed they'll get over. they're talking to me, a little snappy but not yelling and shit like i expected, and the reason they cut off my phone is cause they got me a hella sick ass new one. (before the fight of course, but they are still lettin me have it.) my mom's already over it completely, my dad's still pretty mad though.

and i'll have to endure without the car for a few weeks, but once it's over, it's over. they know, i've broken all curfew rules, i think i've destroyed that idea in my house now and under present circumstances i think that i can stay out all night from now on if i wanna.
but what a relief, they know, they know now. i'm so much more free than i was before, i feel so much better that i'm not lying anymore.
i don't ever wanna lie ever again. next i wanna tackle exaggeration.
i'ma buy a longboard, it'll be my new transportation for the next few weeks.
tucka and seejay an sam kinda got me hooked.

lafleet45 @ 2007-02-16T14:02:00

2007-02-16T22:08:44Z

maybe bein insane wouldnt be so bad. maybe saturday night i was insane, i wouldnt mind being like that forever.
but i sure as shit dont wanna be thrown in some dumb ass institution. how unfair, they set up a path, make everyone walk down it and if they don't, lock um up so that they can't enlighten the others how great it is to not take mainstreet.

he drunkily taught me to long board
he kissed me.
again and again. =)

and i don't think i've ever bonded with someone so quickly.

i don't remember when the last time i felt these butterflies was.

i told my parents bout smokin, drinkin, all hell broke loose. i no longer can drive the car and will be kicked out of my house for a few days i think, but i got somewhere to go. i'm thrilled though, even though it was shitty it felt like a blouder being lifted off my head. time heals all wounds, at least the band aid is ripped and the healing has to start now, no matter how long it takes.

i have no good reason, to ever lie, ever again.

mary jane, i think this will be the last battle i'll have to fight for you.

lafleet45 @ 2007-02-08T23:07:00

2007-02-09T07:13:00Z

for once, i think ima try katie's way of dealing with this.
and i made time and proved maturity to gain enough control.
i got the uc thing sorted out, and i got an acceptance letter today.
i've worked hard.
now it's play time.
and since i've worked hard for 17 years
and i only got like 7 months till i leave for college
that's alot of hard playin i needa pack in a short amount of time.

profile

2007-02-07T18:32:33Z

i'm tanya
i'm 17 1/2
a female
5'8"
153 lbs (oh my)
my bmi is 22
i'm blonde
brown eyed
fairly busty
i got problem areas; hips
i'm pretty wide
i used to be pretty insecure
but now
i like me
i like my curves
even if they don't look like the girls on the magazine,
i'm still feminine underneath a hoodie and jeans,
even with no make-up on, and tangled hair,
alot of the time i have poor posture
and alot of the time i just don't give a shit about that.

i <3 w g j m. (&A2 ;])

lafleet45 @ 2007-01-23T18:34:00

2007-01-24T02:39:04Z

maybe punching you in the face would refresh me.
maybe smoking a bowl with you would be rejuvanting.
maybe giving you a big hug would be comforting.
maybe getting up in your face would do the trick.
maybe telling you the truth would be exhilirating.
maybe getting away from you would be good for me.
maybe being civil with you is the best answer to this problem.

yet, maybe punching you in the face would be refreshing.

lafleet45 @ 2007-01-06T23:13:00

2007-01-07T07:26:11Z

so i think i'll start my new year's resolution of trying to be sincere in everything i do by say somethings that are true about me. so true fact...
i really really don't like being touched much. i don't like when people hug me hello or goodbye, i only like getting hugs when the time is right and a hug is a genuine exchange of affection. the other kinds kinda make me uncomfortable.
my honest thought of the day: i would really like to take a nice blunt up to chico and smoke it with cody.
my honest worry of the day: nikki's gonna be gone for two weeks and i'm a lone ranger until she gets back.
and something i honestly appreciate about today is that i got to hang out with a wide range of different people who lead different lives and can teach me a lot of new things.

it really does just take one to make many think twice. sometimes it really matters WHICH one it is.

lafleet45 @ 2006-12-29T18:17:00

2006-12-30T01:17:23Z

DAMN!!!!! I'M GOING TO SEE B.B.KING!!!! TONIGHT!!!!! IN CONCERT!!!!

AHHHHHH!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!